First things first..... SURPRISE!!!
We're having another baby!
Baby Gallon #3 is due May 1st, 2010
Yep, that's right! We only thought we were done! After Hanna was born, Jon and I discussed whether or not we would decide to have more children many times. We came to the understanding that we were content with our beautiful girls! We decided we would use birth control for a couple years, revisit the issue when Hanna was 2, and then decide with 100% certainty if we would have more or not, before making anthing permanent (meaning Jon would get a vasectomy). Well....I've become a big believer in the line "if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans"! I think he's having a good ole' belly laugh at us! I'm struggling with it. In all honesty I have been angry, sad, confused, and bitter a lot in the past couple of months. I have good days, and I have bad days. Sometimes I just want to be angry, and wonder "why did this happen to me?". I feel guilty for not "wanting" this child, and I wonder if I will treat it differently, if it will recognize the fact that it's an "oops baby". I hate myself for thinking that I could love this child less than it's two sisters that were so desperately desired. My heart tells me these thoughts are irrational, and that I know better. But my brain is in a state of denial, and fights acceptance. It's gotten a lot better in the last couple of weeks. I had my first "I can do this" moment last week. I was doing some dishes in the kitchen while Caylie and Hanna played together in Caylie's room. It struck me when all I could hear was the sound of giggling coming from them, and I couldn't help but stand there, smile to myself, and know in my heart that I'm going to be fine. God wouldn't give this child to us if we couldn't handle it. I know we'll be alright, and there is room in my heart for this baby. And of course....Jon is praying for a boy! We're not sure if we'll find out the sex or not yet. The ultrasound is on Tuesday, so we have a couple more days to think about it!
Hanna turned 1 on October 19th!! Can you believe it! That first year just flew by, and I found myself looking at her and wondering how it's possible for time to go by so fast. Her dad wasn't home to celebrate her birthday with us. Unfortunately he had to spend most of his time in October AND November underway, so we didn't see him a whole lot for about six weeks. But since he wasn't home, me and the girls hung out with our dear friends the Tates for Hanna's birthday, and it was still a good day. We also made plans to have a 1st birthday bash for her on our vacation back home to CO in November!!
The day she was born! October 19, 2008
One year old already!
Some of my favorites from our family photo shoot:
Haha! This last one always makes me laugh! My poor nephew had to be thinking "dress up clothes? NO WAY! Who needs that girly stuff!? I got a FOOTBALL!!"
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